Reminisce
by Karen Rhine
Summary: As they head towards London, Garrus finds himself reliving the past 4 years with Shepard, the good and the bad. Based on a 30 day writing challenge, so chapters probably won't get crazy long. Rated M for content in future chapters, and language.
1. Beginning

The crew deck was silent. Garrus walked over to the fridge to get a bottle of water. He just could not sleep. They were en route to London, and something about going to your impending doom makes your brain go into overdrive.

He leaned against the counter, taking a big swig of the cool liquid, shutting his eyes. He found himself reflecting on his life, most of it from the last four years. That's just the effect Jane Shepard had on him. She always found her way up to the front of his mind. His thoughts were on the time they'd first met, back when he was still an officer for C-Sec. That seemed like a lifetime ago…

He was so furious with Pallin. Saren was a corrupt bastard and a disgrace to all turians. Why couldn't he see that? Then there was Shepard. Garrus didn't hate humans, like most of his race. Having dealt with so many on the Citadel, he'd grown to tolerate most of them. He'd even developed friendships with a few. But this Commander Shepard…

She was cocky. It irritated him. Sure, some of it was warranted. He'd heard of her - How she beat overwhelming odds on Elysium. She single-handedly took out an entire fleet of Batarian slavers. She was a hero. But something about her rubbed him the wrong way. His instincts told him, however, that working with her would be his best shot at unveiling Saren's true colors. C-Sec had too many rules. There was too much that was holding him back. Shepard would be free to act as she saw fit. And cocky or not, her intentions were pure. Her actions proved that much.

"Time to swallow some of your pride, Vakarian," he muttered to himself. "It's now or never."


	2. Accusation

Garrus sighed, scratched the area below his fringe as he stared at what could only be called a pile of metal, rubber, and smoke. There were no words for his frustration at that moment.

"Spirits, Shepard! I just fixed her up!" he fussed. Jane Shepard ran a gloved hand through her hair as they both stood there and stared at the poor, broken down mako.

"Well, maybe the Alliance needs to work on improving their transportation vehicles," she muttered, sitting down on a large rock.

That comment about rendered Garrus speechless.

"That mako is the top of its line. I highly doubt that when these were built, they intended for them to roll around and attempt to climb the highest mountains in existence."

"We didn't roll around."

"Oh, we rolled. Quite a few times. I thought Alenko was going to be sick."

"Design flaw," she shouted, defending herself indignantly.

"No. No design flaw. I think it's more of a case of user error."

"User error? What exactly are you implying, Vakarian?"

"That you are, hands down, the worst driver I've ever met. Ever." His accusation brought silence. Followed by rich laughter. He couldn't help but grin himself, his mandibles twitching. Once she finally stopped, she gestured him to come over.

"Why don't you sit down? It'll probably be a while before Kaidan comes back with our new transport."

He nodded, walking over and sitting down at her side. They sat in silence for what felt like the longest time, just taking in the scenery around them. Shepard eventually broke the silence.

"This planet reminds me of home," she whispered. Her eyes went distant. Garrus glanced at her.

"Mindoir, right?" he asked. She nodded, threading her fingers together and grabbing her knees.

"Yeah. Grew up there with my mom and dad. It was a simple life. Everyone worked hard. I was my father's shadow when I wasn't doing my own chores…"

She trailed off after that. Garrus continued to watch her. Her body had gone rigid. He was about to ask if she was alright, but then he remembered. Mindoir had been raided. Those damn batarians left barely anything in their wake. Nothing more than burned down buildings, reduced to rubble, and a handful of survivors. Shepard was one of those survivors. Part of him wanted to ask about it, but he thought against it. Better to change the subject instead.

"So, Alenko, huh?"

"What about him? she snorted.

"I've seen the way he looks at you."

Shepard rolled her eyes, and their usual banter continued. He had successfully pulled her out of her thoughts, and her frame was much more relaxed. Now all they had to do was wait.


	3. Restless

Shepard slowly sat down in one of the chairs in the mess hall of the Normandy, clutching her coffee cup tightly. She took a long sip of the coffee, grimacing. Not from the temperature, but the taste. This was definitely some of the most bitter coffee she'd ever had. But it was all they had, so she drank it.

She had no idea what time it was. The last time she looked at a clock it was 0200, and that was a while ago. She was mentally and physically drained, but she could not sleep.

She'd had to make the hardest decision of her entire career yesterday. She remembered it being talked about during basic. With commanding titles, you sometimes have to make these calls. Who lives and dies can be solely in your hands. But their descriptions paled in comparison to how she actually felt at that moment. Ashley Williams didn't deserve to die. She was brilliant.

"You made the right choice, LT." Those words haunted her. Had she? The doubt was in the back of her mind, nagging at her. Was that nothing more than a dying woman's last words as her commanding officer chose her boyfriend over her?

She shook her head against the thought. She had not let personal feelings get in the way. Kaidan was her Staff Lieutenant. More importantly though, he was an L2 biotic. In terms of skill, he was way too valuable to lose.

Footsteps pulled her out of her thoughts. Had Kaidan woken up and come looking for her? No, his footsteps were much lighter. She looked up to see Garrus walking into the mess and getting something to drink. He hadn't noticed her yet.

"You're up late," she decided to say. He looked over at her, his face moving in a subtle way she couldn't quite interpret.

"You're one to talk," he replied, walking her way. He took the seat across from her and eyed her thoughtfully. "You okay? That was a pretty tough call back on Virmire."

Shepard closed her eyes, inhaling slowly.

"Yeah, it was. Unfortunately, that comes with the territory of being in charge."

"Yes, but are you okay?" he asked again.

"I have to be," she shrugged. She really appreciated the rapport they had developed over the course of the mission. She felt like they had known each other forever with how strong a friendship they had. She could be more honest with him without losing the respect he had for her as a soldier and superior.

"Ashley was a great soldier," he said. "She knew the risks. We all do. And when we take down that bastard Saren, she will be extremely proud of you."

Shepard nodded, closing her eyes again, fighting back tears. Her gut agreed with him.

"Thanks Garrus."

He nodded, standing and grabbing his drink off the table.

"Where's Alenko?"

"Asleep. I tried sleeping, but I just couldn't."

"Well, be sure you try to soon. This isn't over yet, we don't need you passing out while holding your gun," he grinned. She smirked, for the first time since Virmire.

"Oh, I won't. That would mean I couldn't keep beating you in kill shots."

Garrus laughed, his sub-harmonics rumbling softly.

"I don't know, I think I bested you last time."

"In your dreams!"

They had a good laugh. Shepard had needed that. Then they were silent for a few moments.

"Get some sleep, Shepard." Garrus started walking back towards the bunks.

"Thanks Garrus, seriously. I appreciate you being here for me."

"Any time, Shepard. I've got your six."

Finishing her coffee, Shepard got up and headed for bed. Maybe she could finally sleep now.


	4. Snowflake

_Sorry for the posting delay. A family member of mine got put in the hospital, and once all that was taken care of I had to dive straight into moving into our new home. It's been exhausting. But I'm finally able to take the time to get back into the groove! _

It had been a week. A week that felt like an eternity. How much can happen in just a week? Garrus felt like his life had been turned upside down. Shepard was gone. She was just…gone. He felt like it wasn't possible. He had been talking with her earlier in the morning, and then…

He growled in frustration. He needed to think logically, even though he was well aware that he already wasn't. In one week he had managed to quit Spectre training and completely fall off the map. Now here he was, flying to Omega for what a small part of his brain was sure to be a suicide mission.

He glanced out of the side of his ship, and it had to have been some cruel joke. Of course, the exact moment he turned his attention elsewhere, he was passing Alchera. Just the sight of its' frosted surface sent chills down his spine. His subharmonics reflected his sorrow as he stared down at the damn planet that was now the resting place of the Normandy SR-1. The resting place of Jane Shepard, his closest friend. Part of him wanted to detour down there and try to find her body. Put her to rest in the way she truly deserved. He really doubted his heart could handle it, though, so he decided against it.

Garrus had no idea what Omega had in store for him. He had no plans, no end goal. But that place was a magnet for a majority of the scum of the galaxy. If there as anywhere he could make a contribution, it would be there.

His pain and determination drove him. He had to do Shepard proud. He had to pick up the pieces of the galaxy in her wake. He didn't care how long (or how short, for that matter) that it took.

He finally tore his deep blue eyes away from the snowy planet below.

"Onward, Garrus Vakarian," he muttered, and he swore he could hear Shepard's strong, confident voice echoing his own.


	5. Haze

Garrus fell back into cover, his back slamming into the wall hard enough to make his breath catch in his throat. Teeth gritted, he clutched his Mantis close to his chest and shut his eyes tightly. It was the only way to stop his vision from spinning. How long had it been since he had slept for more than 10 minutes? Even more, when he last had anything to eat? The days were blurring together and he no longer had a concept of time.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. All his muscles tightened and screamed as he readied the Mantis. In a swift, cat-like motion, he jumped up, lined up his scope, and fired. The Blue Suns member that was walking across the bridge stopped in his tracks as the concussive round shot through his neck. He was dead instantly and crashed to the ground.

Garrus cursed as he dropped back into cover. His aim was starting to go sloppy; that shot was meant for his forehead. Not a good sign. He knew it was only a matter of time now. They'd be across soon, and his exhaustion would be his downfall.

"It's almost over," he told himself. "Hopefully I'll be able to find you on the other side, Shepard."

He peeked out to a empty bridge and snorted. They were probably regrouping, and soon they'd be back and hit him with even more force. But at least he had a couple of minutes to relax and do some regrouping himself. Because Spirits help him, if he was going down, he planned on taking as many of those bastards with him as possible.

He had no idea how much time had passed before he glanced out again, but when he did the sight in front of him was a curious one. Two freelance merchs were heading across the bridge, and they were followed by three others - two of which were wearing Cerberus uniforms (great, Cerberus was involved now?) - and before he had a chance to act they open fired on the two in front.

"She's with Archangel!" he heard someone shout. Were they? What was going on? He watched them, and suddenly felt the pit of his stomach drop as he turned his attention to the third of the group. The way she moved… how her vibrant red hair spun as she did…

He felt suddenly dizzy. Shepard? There was no way. He had to have been hallucinating at this point. It was impossible for Shepard to be the one heading straight for him. They disappeared under him, and he heard the commotion of more fighting as they presumably made their way up the second floor, where he was posted. Steadying himself, he continued gazing down his scope, looking for one of the remaining freelancers that was hiding, waiting. Out of the corner of his vision he saw those same three figures enter the room.

"Archangel?" the woman asked. He was feeling dizzy again. That voice… He tossed up a hand to signal them to wait, he needed to get that guy before he had any more distractions. Finally he saw him, attempting to glance out and line up a shot. His last mistake. He fired, nailing him right between the eyes.

It was over. At least for a little while longer. Garrus moved away from the window, turning to face his visitors. He walked forward to where he could sit down, reaching up to take off his helmet. As he did, he saw her grin. It WAS her.

"Shepard," he all but choked out, propping one foot up to rest on. "I thought you were dead."

"Garrus! What are you doing here?" Shepard threw her arms out as if wanting to hug him, but then seemed to restrain herself in front of her new company. There was no mistaking the glee in her voice, though. He chuckled.

"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice."

"You okay?" Just like Jane Shepard to see right through him. She always had.

"Been better," he admitted. He couldn't lie to her, "but it sure is good to see a friendly face. Killings mercs is hard work. Especially on my own."

Their conversation continued, but Garrus only felt like he was half there. As they strategized, they stood side by side, and he could smell the familiar scent of flowers, gunpowder, and what he remembered her calling vanilla once. It was definitely her. He'd never encountered that mixture of smells, before or after meeting her for the first time. It comforted him. He was feeling a new, strong burst of energy. A ground-shattering desire to survive and get off the rock.

"Just like old times, Shepard," he grinned, and splitting up they took down the Eclipse like they were nothing. The Blood Pack was next. Tougher, but they got the job done with relative ease. With only the Blue Suns left, he was feeling pretty damn confident.

Then, out of nowhere, an airship appeared and open fired. His exhaustion prevented him from moving fast enough, and he was hit a few times before he was able to make it to cover.

"This ends now!" Tarak, the leader of the Blue Suns shouted over an intercom. Garrus went to dodge another rain of bullets, but was unprepared for the rocket headed straight for him.

Shepard's confident voice shouting his name was the last thing he heard before blackness.


	6. Flame

Shepard was pacing back and fourth in the Normandy SR-2's war room. While her face remained stoic, her mind was racing and her insides were panicking. Three hours had gone by since they had left Omega, and she had yet to hear a single thing about Garrus' condition.

Garrus. She never would've thought Archangel had been him. His skills with a sniper were unmatched, though, so it shouldn't have come as a huge surprise. But she wasn't really thinking about that. She could still feel the heat on her skin from the flames that exploded when that rocket collided with him. That heat was overwhelming.

She was about to storm into that med bay. She would be damned if she had lost Garrus so soon after finding him. She needed that familiar companionship to keep her grounded amongst all these Cerberus operatives. These strangers…

The doors opened and she spun around, wringing her hands together nervously. Jacob walked in, datapad in hand, and went to the opposite end of the long conference table. He saluted her professionally. She returned the gesture impatiently.

"Commander. We've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit." Shepard lowered her head, unsure of what to say. Jacob took that as a sign to continue. "The docs corrected what they could with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality, but…"

The door opened again, interrupting him. They both looked up to see Garrus slowly walk into the room. His armor was messed up pretty badly. There was a huge hole in its collar and burn marks all around it and going around to his chest plate. His face was scarred where the rocket had connected, interrupting his colony marking and leaving behind pale pink flesh. But here he was. Damn stubborn turian. The heat returned as she was relieved he was alive, but irritated he was already up and walking around.

"Shepard," he acknowledged. She took a strange comfort in hearing his two-toned voice that had never been there before, and couldn't hold back her huge grin.

"Tough son of a bitch. Didn't think he'd be up yet," Jacob laughed, impressed.

"Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?" Ah, he hadn't lost that sarcastic humor he was always so good for. Shepard crossed her arms and leaned against the table.

"Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face-paint on there, and no one will even notice."

Garrus laughed. He seemed to be relieved that they continued their normal banter. She had to keep reminding herself that it hadn't just been a month since they'd last seen each other. It had been over two years.

"Oh…don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding it together as it is. Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are krogan…" He had walked more into the room as he spoke. She shook her head, the grin still on her face. Jacob, saying nothing, saluted again and left the war room. Just the two of them now. The tone seemed to change almost instantly.

"Frankly, I'm more worried about you. Cerberus, Shepard? You remember those sick experiments they were doing?" He genuinely sounded concerned. Her smile faded a bit, and she felt a little more tense.

"That's why I'm glad you're here, Garrus," she admitted. "If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I trust at my side."

"You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too. Hah. Just like old times," he shrugged. "I'm fit for duty whenever you need me, Shepard. I'll settle in and see what I can do at the forward batteries."

Then he left, and Shepard was alone again. She shut her eyes, feeling a new peace mixed in with all the anxiety and confusion and turmoil. Maybe she'd be okay, after all.


	7. Formal

It was getting pretty late, and Shepard was making her rounds through the ship and checking up on everybody. What a crew she had assembled. Cerberus soldiers to a terminally-ill drell assassin, to a few old friends, and every misfit in-between. They had just recruited their final team member, a very elegant Japanese thief by the name of Kasumi Goto.

She wandered through the mess hall back towards the Main Battery to see Garrus. He was always her last stop before heading up to cabin. She couldn't quite say why, but it just kind of worked out that way.

The doors whooshed open and she was greeted with Garrus' back. He was bent over that terminal like always. She held back a laugh. He glanced over his shoulder when he heard her enter, before turning.

"Shepard," he greeted. "Need me for something?"

His face had been healing nicely. He no longer had to wear a bandage over the wound where it had started to scab over and become more resilient skin. Oddly enough, it suited him. She smiled and shook her head.

"I was just hoping we could talk," she said. Garrus shifted slightly, almost hesitant.

"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations." He gestured behind him, towards the terminal. Shepard paused, not quite expecting that response.

"Okay. Talk to you later."

She turned and left, heading towards the elevator. That had been an odd conversation. He had been so…strangely formal with her. It was pretty uncharacteristic of him. They usually would banter back and fourth for a few minutes, sometimes re-live old times from the SR-1.

She sighed as she walked into her cabin. She took a moment to feed her fish before collapsing onto her bed, covering her eyes with her forearm. But then she had died. She was gone for two years. That's a lot of time. And from what she had gathered so far, it had been a hell of a two years for him. Things were different. There was only so long they could ignore those issues. There was no telling how weird all of this still had to be for him. But for him to be so formal towards her, to really treat her like his commanding officer and not his friend… It didn't sit right with her.

Her gut was telling her to get her ass up and go back down into that Battery, turn him around, and demand him to bloody talk to her. She had to stay professional, though, so she ignored her gut. Rolling onto her side, she hugged her pillow close and huffed. Why did it bother her so much? Maybe it was because he was the closest friend she'd ever had She really wasn't sure.

This was not the time to obsess over it, though. She needed to get some sleep. They days were long, and they were only going to get longer. So she shut her eyes and willed herself to get a few hours of sleep.


	8. Companion

Garrus sighed as he powered down his console in the battery. He could calibrate until he fell asleep standing and it wouldn't make a difference. Not until they got more upgrades for the Normandy. So he finally sat down on his bunk and began to disassemble his guns. Cleaning them was familiar, therapeutic. It was when he got some of his best thinking done, which could be both a blessing and a curse.

Why had he been so secluded lately? Why couldn't he adjust to everything? Shepard was alive. Living, breathing, moving… It had been so strange at first. But what now? Every time she would come to chat he would freeze and find excuses to be left alone. He was so happy she was back, and he'd become rather protective of her. If he didn't go out on a mission with her (which was rare) he was on edge. He'd pestered poor Joker to death. So why did it feel like he was trying to push her away?

He was afraid of losing her again, that was for sure. It had been bad enough the first time. They were thick as thieves, and to lose a companion like that was bad enough once.

Garrus paused. Companion? He wasn't quite positive where that had come from. They were friends, obviously. One of the closest he had ever had. She was also his commanding officer, and his respect for her was unmatched. But a companion was supposed to be so much more than that. So… he was having a difficult time figuring out where that had come from.

He leaned back, setting his dismantled sniper to the side, and shut his eyes. The scent of polish filled his nose as he breathed deeply. His possessive instincts over Shepard were new, and honestly, pretty confusing. Every time he tried to rationalize it, he kept thinking back to his mother describing to him and Solana about how their father could be. Why? It didn't make any sense. She was human, and as close as they were, some things were so out there that they'd only entertain the thoughts of a madman. And yet, as he envisioned her slender form, both strong and graceful at the same time, her blood-red hair swaying with her, he could feel his heartbeat increase dramatically.

His eyes snapped open as he realized his talons had ripped into his pillow. Him grimaced, running that hand through his fringe nervously.

**This** was the problem with being the only turian on the vessel. He needed to blow off steam bad. If he was having these kinds of thoughts… He stood up and headed for the hangar. 0300 be damned, he needed a punching bag to beat the shit out of.


	9. Move

Shepard stormed down into Engineering, fists clenched tightly. She made a bee line towards the small workout area that Jack had set up. The biotic's head jerked up at the sound of her entering.

"Get out," she said, voice short and stern, but not quite rude. Jack grinned.

"You know, Shep, there are better and sexier ways to get out your frustration. You just need a good fu-"

"Get. Out. Please Jack."

The tattooed woman stood and shrugged, respecting her commander's wish and leaving.

Shepard pulled her hair into what you could hardly call a ponytail. It was too short for it all to stay put so some strands instantly came loose. She bent down and grabbed a roll of white boxing tape, wrapped up her knuckles, and headed over to the sand bag that was hanging in the corner. She took a deep breath, clenched her fists again, and went to town.

How dare he treat her that way. It wasn't like she had just taken off without a word for two years. She had **died**. Of course she knew all of the terrible things they had seen Cerberus do. But right now, as much as she didn't like it, they were the only people helping her do what needed to be done. These colonies disappearing were too important to turn her back on. And instead of being the least bit happy to see her, Kaidan had treated her like absolute shit.

It's not that he didn't have the right to be mad or upset. She had thought that he would be happy or relieved to see her, though. Their conversation caught her completely off guard, and his words still echoed in her head.

"_I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this," _he had said. She had seen his body language, so tense. Just out of arm's reach, just far enough away that her body was aching.

"_You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."_

That statement had been a blow to the face.

"_You betrayed the Alliance."_

Her punches were getting harder, faster.

"_You betrayed me."_

Tears fell down her cheeks, mixing in with sweat.

"_**You betrayed me."**_

She cried out as she punched again, so hard that she split the fabric of the bag and sand began to fall out. She fell to her knees and punched the hard metal under her. The tape around her knuckles became bright pink and she realized she must have busted them open. That was really the last thing on her mind, though.

She curled her knees up to her chest and started sobbing. This was exactly why she came down here instead of going to the hanger where the main workout equipment was. No one would see her down here.

She loved Kaidan. She had fraternized with other soldiers before, sure. When you're on long tours it's inevitable sometimes. But Kaidan had been more than a fling. She had seen a future with him. They were going to do another couple of missions together and then find somewhere to settle down and maybe start a family. They had talked about Vancouver… It was Kaidan's home and she had never been there, but had always wanted to go. But then they were attacked…

She ran a shaky hand through the mess that was her hair. It had completely fallen out of its' ponytail due to her vigorous movements. Her chest was tight, and she was trying to take deep breaths and calm down. It wasn't working. This must be what it felt like to have your heart broken

"_You've changed."_

Had she? She was a bit different physically, sure, but not mentally. Apart from the nightmares, she felt like herself. Chakwas, Joker, and Tali all still had the same repore with her as before. Garrus was different, but not in a bad way. They were closer now, it seemed. He even seemed protective over her. She remembered him being so mad at Kaidan. He was so ready to jump to her defense back there on Horizon.

She rubbed her eyes with her forearm, breathing steadily now. She had stopped crying and was starting to calm down a bit. She needed to move on. Kaidan had made himself perfectly clear where he stood on everything, so she needed to put it past her, collect herself, and focus on her crew and their mission.

She pulled herself up, grabbed a towel to wipe off some of the sweat, and headed up the stairs and onto the elevator. Time for a long, hot shower, and then to bandage her knuckles up properly to try and avoid another lecture from Chakwas. She hoped she could get some sleep tonight.


	10. Silver

When a krogan comes of age, they had to fight a thresher maw? Seriously? They couldn't just get wasted and watch a bunch of crazy porn or something? Shepard thought it was ridiculous, but it was what needed to be done and she couldn't refuse a request from anyone on her team.

"Why can't we just take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?" Garrus had asked. Shepard did her best not to laugh. How was it that they could be thinking exactly the same thing?

But now here they were, fighting wave after wave of enemy. Grunt was in the middle of it all, relishing every kill. She was further back, Garrus next to her. Always next to her. She watched out of the corner of her eye as they moved flawlessly together across the battlefield. She seemed to take in every little detail: how precise his shots were, the way his mandibles twitched and the subtle ways his expression would change, how bright his silver plates were in the sunlight… It was almost like she was seeing him for the first time.

In her bizarre distracted state, she failed to see the varren headed straight for her.

"Shepard!" Garrus yelled. She turned, but it was too late. It was flying through the air at her. The next thing she knew, a heavy weight slammed into her and she went crashing to the ground. She looked up, eyes wide, to see Garrus' blue eyes baring deeply into hers. She felt her heart jump up in her throat. Time seemed to stand still. Then he was yanking her up as her brain was still trying to process what was going on, and he turned, shooting the varren right between the eyes. Shepard bent down to grab her assault rifle, still bewildered and slightly shaken up. When she straightened back up, he was staring at her curiously. She felt a shiver crawl up her spine. For a moment she thought that shiver had started to go down her legs, but then she realized that it was actually the ground shaking underneath her feet. Grunt let out a triumphant laugh.

"Shepard! Here it comes!" he shouted way to excitedly.

'_Okay, Jane. Time to focus.' _she thought to herself. Shit was about to get real intense.

—

A scalding hot shower had never felt so wonderful. She had been so grimy, sweaty, and sore from their time on Tuchanka. So much was running through her mind as she grabbed a towel to dry off with. They had been able to help both Grunt and Mordin while they were there. It was also wonderful getting to see Grunt again, and doing so much good for the krogan. However, it all kept getting pushed aside as her mind continued to wader back to the same person every time - Garrus.

She pulled on one of her N7 tanktops and a pair of cotton workout shorts. Why couldn't she seem to get that turian out of her head? It had started to remind her of how things were with Kaidan early on, which disarmed her. They were close, sure, but it didn't make any sense. Maybe her brain was trying to rebound from the shit storm with Kaidan and latched itself onto her closest friend? It was stupid. She tried to push it out of her mind as she headed down to make her rounds through the ship.

She went to check on Grunt first, see how he was faring. The krogan was in a very analytical mood, pondering all the species, and looking rather closely as his own. His rite had clearly given him lots to think about.

Most everyone else was business as usual. Kasumi was doing a strange amount of investigating into her personal life. The thief had a rather sharp mind, though, so Shepard was curious what she had started to pick up on. She spoke so cryptically, with her sly little smirk, that it was hard to tell what she was actually thinking. Definitely an interesting conversation.

As she walked through the mess hall, she felt her paces quicken as she headed towards the Battery. She tried to ignore this little detail. When the door slid open, Garrus turned almost immediately.

"Shepard. I'm glad you came by. I've got something. May need your help." His voice was a mix of anxiety and excitement. "You remember Sidonis? The one who betrayed my team. I found a lead on him."

He walked over to her swiftly. Her heart was beating faster than normal, but if he noticed (and he usually did) he didn't mention it. His mind was clearly elsewhere.

"There's a specialist on the Citadel. Name's Fade. He's an expert on helping make people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him."

"What are you planning to do when you find him?" she finally asked. Things got serious very quickly. Her gut was screaming out all kinds of warnings if they didn't handle this properly.

"Humans have a saying: an eye for an eye, a life for a life. He owes me ten lives and I plan to collect."

"Are you sure this is how you wanna play it?" Yeah. This was going bad, quick. Garrus had revenge on the mind, and nothing else. She was getting worried.

"I'm sure," he said quickly. Too quickly. "I don't need you to agree with me, but I would like your help."

"What did he do?" she asked softly. They had never talked about Omega, and she needed more information before they jumped into this. Luckily, he was happy to explain now. The pain was still evident in his voice and eyes as he explained how Sidonis betrayed and killed his entire crew. It broke her heart. His experience had been so similar to hers, and she was all to familiar with every single emotion he had to be struggling with.

She had to help. She wanted him to be able to move on from this. She just prayed she could find a peaceful way to end all this. As much as Garrus wanted revenge, she was worried what it might do to him. They had to get there first, though, before she could lay it all out. He was thrilled that she had agreed to help, like he was worried she would have refused.

Time for bed after that. She told Joker to set a course, and they'd be docked at the Citadel by morning. That night, her dreams had a lot of blue and silver in them…


	11. Prepared

"Just…go. Tell him to go."

Garrus was furious. As he watched Sidonis walk away, alive, he could see red in his vision. How could Shepard do this?! She knew what he'd done. She knew how he felt. He had needed this, and she took it away from him.

He put his sniper away, trying to resign himself to what had happened. It was over and done with. He got up and left his post, going to the shuttle bay to meet back up with the others. The shuttle came down, opened, and he saw Shepard get out. He felt his anger rise all over again. He didn't even want an explanation.

"I know you want to talk about this, but I don't," he spat. A part of him immediately regretted his tone, so he added, softer, "Not yet."

Shepard's expression didn't falter. He was always blown away by her, but he was just so infuriated.

"I know it didn't go the way you planned, but I think it's for the best."

He turned away from her and walked a few paces. He was overwhelmed right now. He had been prepared to take revenge for his men. He had been prepared to pull the trigger. He had been prepared to take that bastard's life from him.

"I'm not so sure…" he admitted, turning back towards her.

"Give it time," she reassured him. He felt so uncertain, and he wanted to scream. He signed inwardly, closing his eyes and trying to calm back down.

"Yeah… maybe that'll be enough. I wanna know I did the right thing. Not just for me, for my men. They deserved to be avenged."

He had been prepared to kill him. But now… he was filled with uncertainty. Perhaps Shepard had seen what he couldn't. She hadn't been fueled by emotions like him, and she'd had an outside perspective of it all. He felt different now. The rage had started to dissipate.

"But…when Sidonis was in my sights, I just couldn't do it."

"The lines between good and evil blur when we're looking at people we know."

How is it she always knew what to say? What to do? Complex feelings were surging through him again. Feelings involving her. Feelings he couldn't address with himself, let alone her. He sighed.

"There was still good in him. I could see it. It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey… I don't know what to do with grey."

She was reassuring, patting his shoulder and smiling. He couldn't help but smile a bit himself. It was something else, for sure. To think that he had been SO furious with her not a few minutes ago. His heart swelled as he got into the shuttle and they headed back to the Normandy. That's when it hit him. It wasn't that he just needed to blow off steam. He realized that Shepard made him want to blow off steam. Or more specifically, he wanted to blow off steam with her. He felt ridiculous the minute he thought of it. She was human; soft and squishy. Some turians could kill her in the middle of mating.

He nodded to the others silently as they entered the ship, and went into the Battery. This was insane. He could barely court anyone of his own species. His respect for Shepard was so high that he was nervous even risking it.

He flopped onto his bunk, exasperated, hoping sleep would take over soon.

—

Garrus hadn't been awake for ten minutes when he heard those familiar footsteps outside the door. He wasn't sure he could face her. His dreams had been…interesting. However, he turned when he heard her enter.

"Shepard. Need me for something?"

"Have a minute?" she asked. Of course he did. He had a few, actually. Not that he could flat out tell her that.

"Sure. Just killing time anyway." That was a total lie. But at least he was able to keep his composure. Better to move on and get distracted with conversation than shut her out.

"I wanted to thank you again for your help with Sidonis. Whatever happens with the Collectors or the Reapers or whoever else comes after us, I know you'll get the job done."

He felt ridiculous! He was rambling on like an idiot. And there she was, clasping her hands together behind her back, just smiling.

"I couldn't do this without you, Garrus."

"Sure you could," he smirked, heat coming to his cheeks. "Not as stylishly, of course. It's strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship. Your people don't prepare for high-risk operations the way turians do."

He had realized that she probably didn't know about their ways of stress release and relaxation. As he talked, she had made herself more comfortable, sitting down on a crate next to him. He turned to follow her, watching the fluid way she moved.

"How do turians get ready for high-risk missions?"

"With violence, usually. Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full-contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress."

She listened intently, showing that she really cared about what he was saying. She seemed fascinated and surprised.

"You mean turian ships have crewmen fighting each other before a mission?"

Garrus laughed softly. He felt like telling her a bit of a story, to give her a better idea of how things could go. She always seemed to enjoy his stories. It was also helping him feel more relaxed.

"It's supervised, of course. Nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it's a good way to settle grudges amicably."

He walked a few paces.

"I remember right before one missions, we were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other's throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring."

"I assume you took her down gently?" she grinned.

"Actually, she and I were the top-ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility. It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room." He walked a little bit, no longer facing Shepard as he remembered what happened next. "We…ah…ended up holding a tie breaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess…"

Shepard shook her head. He noticed she was still grinning, and felt the tiniest bit embarrassed. He hadn't really planned on getting to that part of the story.

"It sounds like you're carrying some tension," she said, standing up and walking closer to him.

"Maybe I could help you get rid of it."

"I, ah, didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Commander." Okay. Add bafflement to embarrassment.

"What if we skipped right to the tie breaker? We could test your reach…and my flexibility." As she spoke, she moved to lean against his terminal. The bend of her hips and the look on her face was something he'd only seen her do around Kaidan before. Did she mean… was she… holy crap.

"Oh!" he finally got out. "I didn't… Huh."

He had no idea what to say.

"Never knew you had a weakness for for men with scars."

THAT'S what came out? Smooth, Vakarian. The look on Shepard's face sent shivers down his spine, though. He never thought this was going to happen.

"Well, why the hell not?" he continued. "There's nobody in this galaxy that I respect more than you. And if we can figure out a way to make it work, then…yeah. Definitely."

Still smirking, Shepard walked past him and let, brushing her shoulder against his. He stood frozen in place even after the door had closed, hardly able to breathe.

Well. He certainly hadn't been prepared for that.


	12. Knowledge

"Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians. Still recommend caution. Warn of chafing."

Warn of…chafing? Shepard felt a tad bewildered. Did Mordin really just say that? Seems like some word had gotten around about her and Garrus' conversation and closeness, though how she wasn't sure. Perhaps the good doctor was too observant for his own good.

"I intend to be cautious, Doctor, but Garrus is important to me. You're not going to scare me off."

"Of course. Hormones. Regardless, come see me later. May need analgesic. Chafing."

He was always so clinical. Shepard had to stifle a laugh. At the same time, though, Mordin didn't seem new to the concept of humans and turians together. Perhaps this was a good time to take advantage of his brilliant mind.

"You have a recommendation as a doctor?"

"Turians based on dextro-amino acids. Human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reactions. Anaphylactic shock possible. So don't, ah, ingest." He glanced to the side, almost awkwardly, before pulling up his omni tool. "Also forwarding advice booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions, comfortable for both species, erogenous zone overview. Can supply pills or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration vids to use as necessary."

There was a pause. Shepard didn't understand how her mouth wasn't gaping open. Electronic…relationship…aid…demonstration vids… She cocked an eyebrow.

"Wait a minute, Mordin. You're just yanking me around, aren't you?"

"Shocking suggestion!" he scoffed, taking a small step back. "Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery."

He stepped back up again, and she could swear he was smiling a bit.

"Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be here, studying cell reproduction. Much simpler, less alcohol and mood music involved."

She really held back a laugh this time as she bid him farewell. If you'd asked her yesterday, she never would've expected to have that kind of conversation with him. She was grateful, though. She had no idea how turian anatomy worked, except for the best place to stick a knife in them for a quick kill. Definitely not an attractive or useful skill in this situation.

She headed back up to her cabin, curious to see what all Mordin had sent up to her terminal. Sure enough, it was flashing, notifying her of the message. She grabbed a bottle of water and sat down.

The first couple of things that popped up reminded her of diagrams you'd find in a human anatomy textbook. She found herself staring at an adult turian from all sides. They were focusing particularly on the neck and fringe up on their head. She took a swig of her water and leaned in, reading the text there.

"So the area where the fringe meets the neck is that sensitive…" she murmured to herself. "And where the neck turns into the shoulder…"

The next pictures that popped up made her cheeks go red and her eyes widen. They had moved to lower areas of the body, showing what happens once they were aroused.

"Wow," she breathed. The turian in pictures was a rather gifted individual. Shepard could only wonder how similar Garrus was. She shifted in her chair, suddenly feeling rather warm, and uncomfortable in her casual uniform. She tried moving on, but the next pictures were of a turian and a human woman…

She shut her terminal off and stood up. This was going to take longer than she thought if she kept getting this worked up. She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath, some of the strands falling in her eyes.

"Okay Jane," she said to herself. "Shower. Then, take two."


	13. Denial

Garrus found himself pacing back and fourth in the Battery. His hands were fidgeting with themselves as his mind continuously made its' way back to "blowing off steam" with Shepard. His throat felt dry. He found himself wanting this more than anything, but his eagerness was getting pushed aside by slightly darker thoughts.

It wasn't until all this did he realize his feelings for Shepard were more serious than he originally thought. He didn't just want to ease tension with her. His admiration had turned into a much more intense affection. He knew the moment they took the next step, he'd be hooked forever. And if this was truly all she was looking for, he almost thought it would be better to take some shore leave so she could find some random human. Because if it was all she was looking for, it might crush him. It seemed so unlikely that a woman like her would really be returning the same feelings to a guy like him. Maybe this was all a bad idea…

And almost as if on cue, in she walked. His heart was racing as he turned and tried to casually greet her. When it was clear she was here to talk personally, he hit his terminal to shut the door. He wanted privacy. He needed to give her a human option. His doubt was taking over in full force.

"I've been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension. I've…never considered cross-species intercourse before." A pause. "And damn, saying it that way doesn't help. Now I feel dirty and clinical."

Idiot. He needed to quit while he was ahead. He was making a fool out of himself. Time to stop stalling and rip this bandage off quickly.

"Look…are we crazy to even be thinking about this? I'm not…" Human. Just say it. But he couldn't for some reason. There was a huge lump in this throat.

Look, Shepard. I know you can find something a little closer to home."

He was pacing. He didn't want to look at her. He didn't want to see the realization and rejection on her face. Finally, she spoke, and he forced himself to face her.

"I don't want something closer to home. I want you."

She wanted him. Jane Shepard, hero of the galaxy, wanted him. He felt like he could dance. Instead, he babbled away like a dufus, his brain not taking any control over his mouth. He finally got pulled out of it when she reached up and grabbed his arm gently.

"If you're not comfortable with this, it's okay," he heard her say. Crap. He'd given her the wrong idea.

"Shepard, you're about the only friend I've got left in this screwed-up galaxy." He had to be honest. It was hard to think while she was still touching him, though. He swore he could feel the heat of her skin through his armor. And that smile… he never thought a human could look so goddamn beautiful.

"You don't ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes… but never uncomfortable."

He proceeded to make even more stupid comments. Maybe eventually he'd stop making a fool out of himself.

"I'll let you get back to work," she finally said, bidding farewell and leaving. He snorted softly.

"Right. 'Cause I'm in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now."

He was alone again, but this time he was feeling a lot better about their situation. Of course, only time would really tell, but he'd given her an out and she didn't take it. That was definitely a nice boost. This wasn't about someone to have intercourse with. This was about them. His heart felt lighter as that doubt and denial melted away.


	14. Wind

Shepard glanced around the Presidium, her mind wandering. They were there to get some final supplies and kill some time while the IFF was installed on the Normandy. Where they ready? They'd done all the upgrades, covered all the bases, but unspoken thoughts hung in the air. How ready can you truly be for a suicide mission, after all? They all knew it. Her crew was just too remarkable to dwell on it.

She walked over to the railing and leaned against it, closing her eyes as the wind blew through her hair. It was artificial wind, of course, and never made more than a slight breeze, but she didn't care. She missed the wind. She missed Earth. For a girl who grew up in the colonies, she had quite the affection for the planet. The home of the human race… That's what all this was for, wasn't it? Sure, it was for the entire galaxy. But the drive was preserving humanity, especially now. It's the entire reason she became a solider in the first place.

Opening her eyes, she gazed out at the water, getting lost in her thoughts.

Off a little ways, she didn't realize it, but Garrus was watching her. He had just gotten done purchasing the last upgrades for his sniper rifle. Top of the line, thanks to Cerberus and their disposable income. He wondered what she was thinking about. She had that look, she was definitely somewhere else. He was fascinated by how her fire-red hair swayed back and fourth so easily. He wanted nothing more than to touch it, touch her…

"She's beautiful, is she not?"

Thane's soft, gravelly voice startled him, pulling him from his thoughts. There was the problem with working alongside a master assassin. They just popped out of nowhere all the time. He glanced at the man beside him and nodded slightly.

"Yeah," he finally said. He saw the look on the drell's face and held back a growl. It was so similar to his own, he knew what that look meant. While him and Shepard had yet to establish any kind of relationship, he felt very protective over her. Especially where his present company was involved.

"When her heart is finally won over, it will be to a lucky man indeed."

"Yeah," he repeated, mandibles pressing against his face tightly. Thane wasn't stupid. He was also most certainly not unobservant. So Garrus didn't understand the point of this conversation.

"I tried to court her over," Thane continued. Garrus felt irritated. Why was he telling him all this? "She reminded me of Irikah. So strong and independent. So caring. My commander. My Siha."

Garrus couldn't hold back his irritation anymore, and a low growl rumbled in his throat. Thane flashed an all-knowing smile at him.

"She turned me away, of course. Her heart apparently already wants to belong to another. Treat her well, Garrus Vakarian. If you do not, there is no corner of the galaxy you could hide away from me."

He turned, ready to challenge him, but he was already gone. He huffed. Turning his attention back to Shepard, he decided to head over to her. Her eyes met his as he leaned against the railing next to her.

"Hey," he greeted. She smiled and nodded at him.

"Hey Garrus. Did you get the upgrades you needed?" She was looking back out at the water again, her hands fidgeting slightly.

"I did. Everything okay, Shepard?" He could tell she was preoccupied with something. He felt like he knew her better than anyone. She sighed, trying to decide whether to say anything.

"Are we really ready for this?" she finally asked, voice very soft. She had always been able to confide in Garrus, even back on the SR-1. Why stop now? "I feel so uncertain right now, and I'm afraid that'll cause everyone to get killed. I don't have the luxury for doubt or hesitation."

"I think we're as ready as we'll ever be. Every inch of the Normandy is in peak condition. You have a crew full of resolve. We're all behind you 100% and I have no doubt in my mind that under your command, we can pull off this crazy suicide mission. Will there be casualties? Probably. That's inevitable, unfortunately. It's going to be tough as hell, but we're tougher. We've got this, Shepard."

Smiling again, Shepard reached over and took Garrus' hand in hers, squeezing gently. He returned the gesture, before reaching up and tucking her hair behind her ear. He had been dying to do that for ages. She leaned into his touch, and his heart was beating so fast it felt like it could burst out of his chest. This was his chance. Turians didn't really kiss, but he'd learned how big it was in human affection. As he leaned forward, his head was spinning…

Before he got halfway to her, though, her omni tool went off. She moved out of his touch to check it, and he straightened himself quickly, eyes darting every which way nervously. They stopped on her face again as he noticed her eyes widen and her jaw shift.

"What's wrong?" he asked, getting a sinking feeling in his gut.

"The IFF installation backfired. Collectors invaded the ship." Her fingers were flying as she sent messages to everyone who had come onto the Citadel, telling them all to head back immediately. "That was a distress message from EDI. We need to hurry."

They broke out into a run back to the ship, fearing the worst.


	15. Order

_Big thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing up until now! Your kind words have given me all sorts of warm fuzzies. :3 _

_This chapter has in it the very first round of sexy goodness, so I wanted to give you all a heads up. This is my first time writing Shakarian smut, so hopefully it turns out okay. ^_^_

"Alright everyone, this is it. Our next jump is through the Omega 4 Relay. We'll have some time, so everyone be sure to get some sleep. That's an order. I need everyone at their absolute best. We have a hell of a task ahead of us."

Once everyone left the conference room, Shepard headed up to her cabin. She stripped down and went into the bathroom to take a hot shower. It always helped to loosen her joints and relax, to get rid of excess tension before throwing herself into the thick of everything. This one lasted longer than usual as she tried to prepare herself for what they were about to get into. The stakes were even higher now. She had to rescue her crew. Her crew…

She got dressed and headed out of her bathroom, still drying her hair, but stopped dead when she saw Garrus standing in the middle of the room. He was wearing a casual outfit, and she realized that this was the first time she'd seen him out of his armor. Her eyes unconsciously went to his slender waist.

"Hey… I brought wine," he said awkwardly, tilting the bottle she finally saw that he was holding. "Best I could afford on a vigilante's salary."

She crossed her arms, grinning as she watched him almost run over to where the stairs took you down to her bed. He hit a few buttons and turned on a rather poor excuse for music. Turning towards her, he threw his arms out and Shepard almost swore he was wiggling a little bit to the beat. She shook her head and walked over to where he was now standing in front of her massive fish tank.

"If you were a turian, I'd be complimenting your waist or your fringe. So… your, uh… hair looks good. And your waist is… very supportive."

She shifted her weight, smirking. His awkward attempts at flirting were too adorable.

"Hopefully that's not offensive in human culture-"

"Whoa! Consider me seduced, smooth talker," she interrupted. "Now shut up and stop worrying."

She walked over to turn that awful music off. It was more of a distraction than anything. Garrus sighed and glanced down at the floor as she walked back over to him.

"I just… I've seen so many things go wrong, Shepard. My work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis…" He shook his head. "I want something to go right. Just once. Just…"

Shepard reached up and cupped his scarred cheek. They both leaned in, their foreheads touching gently. A simple gesture for her, but she remembered reading about how this was much more significant for turians. After a moment, she pulled away a bit, just to lean back in, and pressed her lips against his. Garrus froze for a moment, unsure exactly what to do now that this was actually happening. He slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to their bodies pressed against each other. Shepard slipped her tongue out and licked his hard upper lip sensually. He felt a shiver run down his spine and into his groin. He was starting to get the idea. Opening his mouth slightly, his tongue met hers, and she groaned. He didn't know if he had been prepared for that reaction, but damn, it was one of the most attractive noises he'd ever heard come out of her.

She broke away too soon, running her hands down his chest. Hers was heaving, as if she had just been running full speed, and her face was flush. His eyes looked her over as he started moving his hands up her sides. He wanted to memorize every inch, every contour of her. Her hands were doing the opposite, moving down, and he almost jumped when he felt her soft fingertips against his body. She had a smirk on her face that made his head spin. Then she was pulling his shirt off and tossing it across the room.

He tugged at hers too, accidentally tearing a small hole in it with a claw. Once it was off, he couldn't help but stare for a moment. She was so different, and so beautiful. Seeing her…breasts?… in person was so much different than he pictures he'd been looking at.

"Spirits…" he muttered breathlessly. Shepard laughed.

"What do you think?" she asked. Her voice was slightly lower than normal, and it send more shivers down him. In response, he reached up and gently cupped them both, kneading them slightly. Shepard's eyes closed and another groan escaped her. He leaned in, pressing his mouth against the crook of her neck. He could feel her tremble as she reached up and threaded her fingers through his fringe. It was his turn to let out a groan. Breathing heavily, he ran his rough tongue across her skin, then nipped playfully with his teeth.

"Come on," she said roughly, grabbing his wrist and pulling him down to her huge bed. She pushed him down and started to crawl on top of him. She stopped long enough to yank at his pants, willing them off. When she got them down to the spurs on the back of his legs, he had to help a little bit, and then there she was, straddling him. Garrus finally felt his plates shift and his arousal came free. Shepard couldn't help but marvel for a minute. Then she began moving down, and when her head got real close to him, he bolted upright, eyes wide.

"Jane, what are you doing?"

"Trust me," she smiled, voice so sincere. It took him a second, but he nodded and tried to relax again. She moved, and all of a sudden she took him into her mouth, her tongue running across the tip slowly. It took everything he had not to cry out. He'd never felt anything like this before. Female turians had sharp teeth, ad only the most insane males would let them near their most vulnerable area. This was a whole new experience, Shepard moving up and down on his erection with her mouth. He moaned, panting heavily.

Then, before he knew it, she had stopped. He frowned and opened his eyes, and was met with a much more intense kiss. She straddled him again, and another warm, soft area brushed against him. He felt Shepard shudder when this happened, and couldn't help but wonder when she had gotten rid of her pants. Shepard sat up, breaking the kiss and staring into his eyes intensely.

"Garrus… ready?" she asked breathlessly.

"I've never been more ready in my life," he managed to reply. Slowly, she slid down into him, biting her lip and moaning as she took all of him. Once she was settled and had a moment to get used to his size, she began grinding her hips. He reached up, threading his fingers through her hair and gripping her tightly. He then pulled her down, taking her bottom lip and sucking lightly. She moaned again, and he loved it. He loved all the things he could do to her that he'd never been able to do before.

Their moans got louder as their names fell off each other's lips, until neither could take it anymore. Garrus hit his climax first as Shepard had begun to pick up quite a bit of speed, overwhelmed by all the new sensations. Shepard knew exactly how to move to draw out his orgasm as long as possible, longer than he ever knew he could. Then, he felt her tense and heard her cry out a hers hit. He watched her, and it was beautiful. Then, everything went quiet. She collapsed on top of him, panting and sweating. She moved enough to slide him out of her, wincing a bit at the chafing that had occurred (she had been warned) before they both passed out.

Garrus woke first, a few hours later. The two of them were twisted together in an awkward, but surprisingly comfortable way. He watched as Shepard continued sleeping, her face glowing and peaceful. He brushed the hair out of her eyes and kissed the top of her head gently. She stirred from her slumber, yawning as her eyes fluttered open. She nuzzled into his chest, smiling.

"Hey…" she yawned. He was continuing to play with her hair.

"Morning, Jane. Sleep well?"

"Best sleep in years." She sat up and stretched, then looked back at him. "I need to take a shower before we get ready. Want to join me?"

He didn't hesitate in his answer, following her into the bathroom. Under the water, kissing turned to caressing, which turned into erotic touches… Before long, her legs were wrapped tightly around his waist and he had her pressed up against the wall as he thrusted into her. The initial awkwardness was gone as they were slightly more familiar with each other's bodies, but they still had a ways to go and more things to figure out. Regardless, once their orgasms hit, they were even more intense than the first round.

Eventually, they tore themselves away from each other and got dressed. Unfortunately, they had a job to do now. Garrus had renewed confidence as they went to get in the elevator. His resolve was even more intense than it was before. He had found his mate, this he knew. He wanted to be with her for the rest of their lives. And he'd be damned if that was only going to be a few more hours. No. She gave him one final, passionate kiss as the elevator came to a stop.

"Here we go," she whispered against his lips. He nodded.

"Let's kick some Collector ass," he whispered back.


	16. Thanks

They had done it. They had really done it. They surpassed all the odds, stopped the Collectors, and told the Illusive Man to go fuck himself all at the same time. All around her, Shepard's crew were laughing, cheering, and celebrating. They'd been able to save almost everyone that had been abducted, and while most of them were pretty banged up, they were all there.

Shepard felt like a different person. She felt lighter. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to join in on the festivities for some reason. She had a beer in her hand that was practically untouched. She leaned against the wall of the CIC, out of the way, just watching everyone.

After a few minutes, a familiar pair of piercing blue eyes connected with hers. She smiled at Garrus, who was surrounded by Tali, Kasumi, and Jack. The girls were all laughing and poor Garrus was stuck there, being a champ. He grinned back at her. Then, he said something to his company, excusing himself, and slipped out to head her way. Jack had a suggestive grin on her face as she gave Shepard a thumbs up. She rolled her eyes at the biotic. When he got over to her, Garrus leaned against the wall next to her.

"You're not celebrating," he said very matter-of-factly. She shrugged.

"Just keeping an eye on everyone." She couldn't really explain her mood. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her close.

"Time to take a break, Shepard. Relax. Enjoy yourself. You've more than earned it." He nuzzled the top of her head, breathing in her sweet scent. She closed her eyes, almost melting against him. For the first time in a long time, she felt at ease. She tried to ignore the things in her brain that wanted her to keep worrying. Garrus was right, she deserved the chance to relax a little bit.

They stayed like that for a while. People would make their way over to talk, compliment, and praise their success. It slowly began to die down as everyone started to either get tired or a bit too drunk. Garrus was tracing small circles on Shepard's side absentmindedly. It was such an intimate, affectionate gesture, and it made her shiver. He leaned in, pressing his lips against her ear.

"Shall we retire?" he whispered with a smirk. She inhaled deeply through her nose and nodded. They pushed off the wall and bid whoever was still standing goodnight. As they headed or the elevator, they heard a couple of drunken whistles and catcalls that made Shepard laugh.

Once they were alone in Shepard's cabin, it didn't take long before their armor went crashing to the floor. That night, they really made love. It was slow and sensual. With no impending doom hanging over their heads, there was no desperation in their touches. They took the time to really explore each other's bodies.

Garrus' touch drove her wild. His tongue almost made her scream as he ran it excruciatingly slow over her clit. Her muscles tensed as she gripped the bed sheets, her knuckles turning almost the same shade of white. Her head was spinning as he brought her to climax over and over again, thrusting into her at all the right angles, until they finally collapsed in an exhausted heap.

He stroked her hair and sleep was threatening to take over. In her daze, she marveled over how perfectly her body fit against his. Even though their anatomies were completely different from each other, it felt so natural.

"It's like we were made for each other," she murmured so softly, Garrus almost didn't catch it. He did, though, and he was smiling.

"Yeah…" he replied, and then they were both asleep.

* * *

"Shepard." EDI's voice woke her from her sleep. She stretched, noticing that Garrus was nowhere to be found. She frowned.

"Yes EDI?" she asked, getting out of bed carefully. She was still sore from the fight, and the inside of her thighs were slightly raw from last night's activities.

"We are almost to the Citadel. From there our course will be to Earth. Unless…" the AI paused. "Unless there is somewhere else you'd prefer?"

"Thank you EDI, but no. We need to go back to Earth, no matter what happens once we get there."

"As you wish, Commander."

She had just gotten done getting dressed when Garrus came back into her cabin. She smiled at him, and once he got over to her, he handed her a cold bottle of water. She took it gratefully. As she used it to take some antibiotics Mordin had given her, his arms pulled her close, hugging her around the waist gently.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. She turned to kiss him on the cheek.

"Wonderful," she admitted. They moved over to her couch and sat down. She went to lean against him, but he pulled her up to where she was sitting on his lap, legs straddling his waist slightly. He leaned forward and kissed her neck very gently, placing a hand against the small of her back. She closed her eyes, leaning up against him, not really ready for the next topic of conversation. She wanted to cast it aside and focus on his touch, his kiss, but her brain wouldn't let her do it.

"We're almost to the Citadel," she started, tensing up slightly. He pulled back and looked at her, nodding.

"I know. Almost time to drop of most of the crew."

She sighed, pressing her forehead against his.

"I… need you to get off with them…" she said hesitantly. She felt his brow furrow.

"Jane, I'm coming to Earth with you." She knew he'd say that. Every fiber of her being wanted to just accept that response and move on. But she knew she couldn't do that.

"Garrus… when we get to Earth, they're probably going to seize the ship. They'll most likely ground and confine me. There's no telling what they'll do with everyone else on board."

"I don't care what they do with me. If they ground you, that's all the more reason I should come with you."

She shook her head, her heart feeling heavy.

"Getting grounded will do you no good. It's more important that you go back to Palaven for a while. See your family. Warn the Hierarchy about the Reapers. If we all don't start preparing for them, they're bound to do so much more damage than they probably already will. We have no idea how much time we have, when they're coming. We need to start now."

"But Jane-"

She placed her index and middle fingers over his mouth, eyes glistening with tears she refused to let fall. She felt him exhale through his nose as his protests were interrupted. Then, she smiled sadly, moved to cup his cheek, and leaned in to kiss him softly. He moved his hand away from her back and placed it over hers, gripping tightly. He knew she was right. She could tell. She hated that she was.

"I can't lose you again," he whispered, his sub harmonics echoing his sorrow. She pressed her forehead against his again.

"You won't lose me. Whatever happens, I doubt they'll actually harm me. Just confine me. And when I'm out, I'll find you, Garrus. I always do."

He nodded, running his hand through her hair. She loved that he was so obsessed with it. It was always such a soothing gesture. When EDI made the docking announcement a few minutes later, that was their cue. She reluctantly slid off his lap, and they made their way down to the CIC. The entire crew had gathered. Touching Garrus' arm intimately, Shepard walked up to the galaxy map and faced everyone.

"Aright guys. This is the last stop before we hit Earth. I have no idea what to expect once we get there. You will not be treated any different for leaving now. I admire and love every one of you. I'm proud to have served with you all. We kicked major ass." She grinned, and everyone cheered. "Seriously, though. Thank you all."

She spent the next little bit saying some more personal farewells. She exchanged words, hugs, and laughs with many, and finally was facing Garrus again. She sighed, her smile present, but fading slightly, letting her Commander façade slip away a bit. He smiled back at her and took her hands, pulling her close.

"I'm gonna miss you…" he muttered.

"I know. But you'll do brilliantly." She hugged him. They stared into each other's eyes, not sure what to say. They had so much, and at the same time, nothing at all. There was no time.

"Thank you, Jane."

"For what?"

"Everything."

He leaned in and kissed her sweetly. This kiss had desperation in it again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, not wanting the moment to end. It did, though, and he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Be safe," she whispered, her voice cracking.

"I make no promises," he smirked, trying to lighten the mood. It worked, getting a small laugh out of her. He kissed her again, and then left the Normandy. Shepard leaned against the wall right against the airlock door and closed her eyes, breathing deeply, trying to compose herself. That was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. Finally, once she'd gained control over her emotions, she pushed off the wall and went into the cockpit, placing a hand on the back of Joker's pilot chair.

"Okay, Joker. Let's go home."

"Yes, ma'am."


	17. Look

_Sorry about the delay everyone. I started back at school this semester and the work load, along with working full time, didn't give me a lot of free time. But now it's almost Christmas break so I'm gonna try and get the rest of them put out! :) _

* * *

The night was quiet. It was unsettling. It had been two months since the Reapers had hit Palaven. Two months since Garrus had been sent to their moon, Menae, to head up a task force and be a consultant. Funny how once their home world was in jeopardy, they finally started listening to him. All they had done since then was fight, trying to keep as much of the destruction off of Palaven as possible. Everyone was exhausted. And it was only just beginning.

Garrus picked absentmindedly at his food. He wasn't hungry at all, but he had to eat. Sighing, he rested his head in his hand. He wasn't thinking about dinner. He wasn't even thinking about the Reapers. Not even his family, as concerned as he was for their safety. All of it was trumped by one person, with her bright red hair. He missed Jane more than he could stand. It had been almost seven months since they had defeated the Collectors and parted ways on the Citadel. And while she had been right about him being able to help prepare his race (she was always right, it seemed), it was still once of the biggest actions he had ever regretted doing.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice General Victus sit down next to him.

"You've got that look again, Vakarian." His voice startled Garrus. He blinked a few times, tilting his head to face the General, his mandibles pressing against his face slightly.

"What look?" he asked softly.

"That look that tells me you're light years away from here," Victus mused. "Don't tell me you're thinking about that Commander of yours again."

Garrus' mandibles flattened against his chin slightly in irritation as he eyed Victus.

"I am, in fact. I can't help but be concerned about her. I have no idea what those humans in the Alliance have been doing to her, haven't heard a peep about her on the Extranet. It's been 5 months."

"I get that Commander Shepard has always been a remarkable individual. I, for one, respect her. I know you respect her even more, look up to her even. But all that aside, she was your Commander. And as a turian, we know better than most what war can do to even the best. Yet, you still seem unnaturally hung up on her."

He was eyeing Garrus intently as he talked, watching every shift of his face and torso, listening for any change in sub harmonics. The two of them had bonded fairly well during their time on Menae, and had swapped many stories when they weren't killing Reaper forces. He had started to notice how often Garrus' stories went back to this Shepard. It was unusual, to say the least. His mood always changed and there was a look in his eyes that only appeared in those conversations.

Garrus shifted slightly in his chair, absentmindedly pushing food around on his plate. His appetite was long gone. He felt uneasy talking about this subject. Sure, he trusted Victus with his life, but even then he didn't know how to approach the subject of Shepard. Of who they were to each other. Spirits, he missed her. To say he was concerned was an understatement. He had figured that he would at least hear SOMETHING about her on the Extranet. Captivity, release, a trial ... Anything. Yet there was nothing. That scared him more than anything else.

It was getting late, and most of the other turians had filtered out of their makeshift mess hall, some going to stand watch while others hit their bunks for what was guaranteed to be a restless sleep. Victus glanced around before leaning closer to Garrus.

"Come on, Vakarian. What's going on?"

Garrus sighed and shifted again. He really had no idea how to approach this.

"Okay," he started. "Shepard and I... We've always been close. We became quick friends back when we were chasing Saren. I always had her six, and she trusted it to me alone. Then she died."

Victus sat there silently, his suspicions already forming.

"I was a wreck, Victus. Went off to Omega on some suicide mission to exact justice." Garrus shrugged, scoffing at himself slightly.

"When she showed up. Rescued me. Things carried on like normal for a little bit, but I had changed. I was more emotional. More protective. It didn't take long before I realized ... I was in love with her, Victus. I am in love with her."

Victus nodded, his suspicions confirmed. A bizarre situation, of course. Very few turians had relations with humans, or at least were found out or admitted it. Garrus ran a hand through his fringe nervously, not really sure what to expect by his friend's continued silence.

"And then ... The night we went through the Omega 4 Relay," he found himself continuing. "I found myself up in her cabin. I just wanted to be with her. For all we knew, we were going to our deaths."

"Did you-" Victus blinked. He knew where this was going. It was confirmed when Garrus nodded in response, and suddenly, it all made so much sense. Why he never indulged the others with stories when they would all sit around remembering their conquests fondly. Because his most fond conquest was with Commander Jane Shepard. He couldn't help but grin.

"So then. How was she?"

Garrus stated at Victus, shocked.

"Seriously?!"

"Yes, seriously," he laughed. Garrus stared at his hands for a moment, not able to keep a smile of his own from forming.

"Elegant. Beautiful. The best thing that ever happened to me."


	18. Summer

Shepard sighed as she stared out of her window, up at the pure blue sky. The days were getting longer and worse as time went on. How long had it been since she had been grounded? She glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost 6 months… Damn. Way too long. She was restless. Even more so, she was nervous as hell. She was honestly surprised that the Reapers hadn't attacked already. How the Alliance and the Council still refused to believe her was unfathomable.

Next to her on a small table, the datapad she had been allowed to have (so she could receive messages, however, was unable to send any out, because THAT made sense) lit up. Her stomach churned with anticipation. She reached for it so quickly she almost fell off her bunk. She steadied herself with her other arm as she brought the message up.

'Hey, Commander. Thought I might come down to see you today - if they let me. Here's hoping.' -Kaidan

She stared at the words in front of her, unsure about how she should react. It was most definitely not a message from the person she was most dying to hear from. At the same time, getting correspondence from Kaidan again gave her a welcomed, albeit conflicted, happiness. Maybe they could put Horizon behind them ... Maybe.

She was pulled from her thoughts when James, an Alliance soldier she had become familiar with over her time here, came bursting in the door. She turned the datapad off and slipped it into her pocket as she stood to face him, saluting quickly. He returned the salute, holding it for longer than she did. She might not be a commander anymore, but some people (James included) still treated her like she was.

"Commander," he greeted. See?

"You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James," she pointed out, smiling softly.

"Not supposed to salute you either. We gotta go. The defense committee wants to see you."

"Sounds important," she said raising an eyebrow. They really wanted to see her? Finally? She followed the larger man out of her room, almost colliding with another officer as she did. She jogged slightly to catch up with James.

"What's going on?" she asked. Everyone seemed in a hurry.

"Couldn't say," he responded as they walked along the hallway. "Just told me they needed you. Now."

Not longer after, they met up with Anderson. It was good to see his face again. She fell into pace next to him as they continued on, exchanging pleasantries before she asked him what the deal was.

"Admiral Hackett's mobilizing the fleets. I guess word made it to Alliance Command. Something big is headed our way," he concluded. She paused at the bottom if a staircase, her stomach filling with dread.

"The Reapers?"

Her question gave Anderson pause. Stopping at the top step, he turned and looked at her. His face was unsure, but his eyes gave it away. He knew it, just like she knew it.

"We don't know. Not for certain."

"What else could it be?"

"If I knew that..."

"You know we're not ready for them. Not by a long shot."

"Tell that to the Defense Committee." And with that, they were moving again. With each step they took, Shepard felt more time being wasted.

"Unless we're planning to talk the Reapers to death, the committee is a waste of time," she grimaced. She saw Anderson nod, and even smirk a little bit.

"They're just scared. None of them have seen what you've seen."

They were almost to the meeting hall. Their conversation continued, Shepard feeling slightly bitter that she was grounded if she was such an asset. What good was her experience when she was stuck in a room? She should be grateful that she didn't receive a worse punishment, but it was hard to feel grateful for people who still took her word for granted. As they headed through a set of doors leading to the committee chamber, a slim red-haired woman greeted them.

"They're expecting you two, Admiral," she nodded, motioning for them to follow. As they got closer, James pulled her aside to wish her luck, and shake her hand supportively.

"Shepard?" That voice cut through the chaos, and she froze a bit. She released James' hand and paused for a brief moment as she inwardly gathered the courage to look up and turn around. There he was.

"Kaidan," she said, hardly able to hide the bewilderment in her voice. She didn't know why she was so surprised to see him after the message he had sent earlier. But here he was. Clad in Alliance regs, as clean cut and shaven as always. She walked forward while Anderson was getting an update. He called him Major, she noticed. Wow. A major now, huh?

"Come on," Anderson beckoned to her as their escort called for them. She couldn't bring herself to move just yet. Kaidan looked at her, then nodded and smiled at her warmly. She nodded back, not sure what to say, but not really having the time. So on she went, with no words being exchanged between them. Maybe that was for the better, at least for now. She didn't really need old feelings cropping back up at the moment.

The Defense Committee was useless, as always. She has to spell it out for them all over again. Here they were, asking her how to stop them. It was a joke. Then they lost contact with Lunar Base ... As news reports were pulled up on screen, all suspicions and fears were confirmed. There they were. The Reapers. Shepard stood there silently, knowing what no one else wanted to say. Then, as quickly as you could blink, the warm summer sky turned dark and ominous, and they descended.

"RUN!" she screamed, turning on her heels. But it was too late. A loud, blinding explosion shattered all the glass and tossed the huge desk the committee was sitting at towards her. Then, she was off her feet, and thrown hard to the ground by hot fire and heavy wood.

Her ears were ringing and her vision was blurred as she tried to pick herself up. She had to recover from this disorientation quickly if they had any hope of getting out of there. Anderson was calling to her, he was right there but he sounded so far away. She reached for him, and he pulled her to her feet and thrust a M-3 Predator heavy pistol into her hands. Together they fought through hoard after hoard of husks and cannibals, before finally making it to the Normandy.

This is where she was forced to say goodbye to Anderson. He stood in front of her, right in front of the Normandy's hatch, and wouldn't get on. Someone had to stay and help these people, he said. Told her to talk to the Council, to make them listen, make them help.

"Now go, that's an order!" he shouted.

"I don't take orders from you anymore, remember?" she yelled back, frustrated. She wanted more than anything to get off the ship and drag him on. Anderson reached into his pocket, pulling out a set of dog tags.

"Consider yourself reinstated, Commander," he said, tossing them to her. She caught then with ease and looked down at them solemnly. "You know what you have to do."

"I'll be back for you. And I'll bring every fleet I can." She went to turn, but looked back at him. "Good luck."

"You too, Shepard."

Neither of them could think about actually saying goodbye. So they didn't. They left it at that. Shepard walked up and stood beside Kaidan, who touched her arm gently. Together, they stood there and watched as they took off, as Anderson headed back down into the fray, as Reapers took down ships that were trying to escape. Ships with a little kid on it. Another innocent life she couldn't save ...

She looked away, her heart filled with pain and anger. Then, both those emotions were replaced with a fierce resolve. She knew what had to be done. And goddamnit, she swore on her life, she would see it through.


End file.
